hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
