I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
