i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
