there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
