Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
