You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
