they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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