I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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