Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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