remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
tell me about the fingering
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
