You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
