I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
