after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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