I heard we made out
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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