Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just want nice things and good sex
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
