If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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