I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
