I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
