Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
