Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
