Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
