He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
