Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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