we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize