totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
