Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
