i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
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