Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i will never coherently bang her
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
