I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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