dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
