HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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