hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
