i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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