there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
