I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
