Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
