You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
