her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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