Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
