she looked like the before picture.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
