Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
