she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
