i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
