Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
