You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize