they need to just BURY HIM!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
