P.S. I can't hear my feet
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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