Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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