I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
