getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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