ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
