we have pet lesbian snakes
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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