I wanna passion pit in your ass
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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