these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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