Define "chronic" masturbator.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
