Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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