I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
