if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
sex in a hospital.. check
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
