you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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