I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
