it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
