you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
