Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
