Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
