When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I currently don't understand fingers.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
