Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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