you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
