Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize