ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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