May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
