My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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