I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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