and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
