...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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