man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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