If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
