garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
