chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
