Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
