Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
